I had asked Humble Wife to consider offering a guest post, thinking it might prove both entertaining and enlightening for readers (and probably me also) to catch a glimpse into the thoughts, feelings and experiences of a Chinese Left-Over Woman who married a foreigner. Alas, she has not yet summoned up the wherewithal to produce anything, in lieu of which you’ll have to settle for a few snippets of conversation. But I will encourage her for the future.
***
HW (11:00 pm): I’m going to have a shower.
Me: Great!
HW: What? I mean, do you need the washroom first?
Me: Not right this moment. But I don’t know about the moment after that.
HW: Aiya!
Me: It’s okay. If I need to, I’ll just pee in the kitchen sink.
HW: Really?
Me: Sure, why not?
HW: I’ll be really fast.
HW (emerging after her shower): Did you pee in the sink?
Me: No of course not. I would never do such a thing.
The culture here is to shower before bed, not in the morning. I can see the logic but still haven’t quite adapted – old habits die hard.
***
Me: Why is Scamp hiding from you?
HW: She doesn’t want me to wash her paws.
Me: For three years you haven’t washed her paws every night, what made you start now?
HW: I don’t know. They’re dirty.
Scamp: Dad, save me!
Me: Sorry Scamp, I cannot, at least not if I hope to remain married.
***
Me: We’ve only walked 20 feet and you’re already 10 feet behind.
HW: You walk too fast.
Me: I’m walking as slowly as any human being can without actually going backwards.
HW: Your legs are much longer than mine.
Me: Well then, get those fat little legs moving.
HW: Aiya!
Mea culpa: culturally the Chinese are quite blunt (to a foreigner’s ear) when discussing things like being fat, thin, short, tall, and so on. They’re also quite nosy – no qualms about asking a brand-new acquaintance things like age and salary. Thus this conversation is not quite as rude as it might appear.
***
Me: What’s with all the new shoes?
HW: I need them.
Me: But what happened to all the new shoes you bought three months ago?
HW: What do you mean?
Me: (sigh) Never mind.
When is a woman not a woman? Never. ☺
And what is it with women and shoes, anyway? I’ve got a lot more to say about that, but will save it for a future post.
***
HW: I’m going to the market. What kind of beer do you want?
Me: After six years you still don’t know?
HW: You’re a foreigner – nobody knows what you really want.
Me: Ouch.
Humble Wife used the Chinese word 鬼佬 guilao, which ostensibly means foreigner but translates literally as ghost (because white) man, and also devil man. Apparently it’s a popular insult, particularly in southern Cantonese-speaking parts of the country where it’s pronounced gweilo.
***
HW: Remind me to pick up some milk.
Me: Don’t forget to pick up some milk.
HW: Aiya!
Me: You do realize you’re going to have to remind me to remind you to pick up some milk?HW: Aiya!
Neither of us is getting any sharper with age.
***
HW: These are nice, try them on!
Me: No, I don’t wear light-colored pants.
HW: But these are really nice!
Me: No.
HW: They’ll look really good on you though.
Me: I don’t care.
HW: Oh come on – just try them.
Me: FFS! I said NO!
HW (lip quivering, voice quavering): You’re not being very nice.
Me (hug): I didn’t mean to shout, it’s okay, there, there (pat pat pat).
HW (brightening): So does that mean you’ll try them?
Me: Aiya!
Marriage is tough!
A few notes on marriage and family in China:
The wife does not take her husband’s name, but the children do. Many Chinese exchange rings at their wedding ceremony, but do not wear them. Couples often don’t bother with rings at all. The man is financially responsible for wife and kids. The woman is not, and may keep and spend her own earnings without contributing anything at all to the family or even to her own basic needs. She controls the family budget (using husband’s income) and from what I’ve seen expects to make most of the major and minor decisions.
Under the ‘filial piety’ tradition and in law, children are financially responsible for their aging parents, but in practice this only applies to sons, who thus may find themselves burdened with supporting two families on their own. This is why Chinese couples prefer sons over daughters, as encapsulated by the saying 养儿防老 yang er fang lao – “raise sons as insurance against the insecurity of old age.”
Chinese law specifies that men and women are equal, but with a provision that exempts women from any employment tasks for which they are unsuited, those being heavy or dangerous labor usually. Women are eligible for retirement five years earlier than men (this appears to be changing now though) and also live 5.5 years longer on average.